I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This baby is an asshole
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
