so explain again why im purple
no
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
