Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
