just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
