Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
