Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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