Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
