____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
