i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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