Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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