Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
