and you said cock pushups were impossible
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
