Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
