So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
