We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
