Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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