mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
