If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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