wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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