I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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