This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
