We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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