Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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