I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
