dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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