I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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