Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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