I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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