Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
