I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
