chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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