I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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