Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
