what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
