I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
