I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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