Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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