I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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