I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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