I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
