there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
