Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
