I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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