Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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