Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
