I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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