If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
