So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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