The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
ttyl tear gas
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
