Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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