im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
