Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
