Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
