i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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