we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
