Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
